Exercise #14: Ask for a Re-Do

Sometimes things just… come out wrong. You meant to ask a question, but it sounded like a criticism. You were trying to be playful, but it landed with a thud. Or your partner said something in a tone that hit a nerve, and now you’re both on edge.

In those moments, instead of doubling down or spiraling into defensiveness, there’s a simple move that can shift the whole dynamic: ask for a re-do.

It might sound like:

“Wait—can I try that again?”

“Yikes, that came out all wrong. Rewind!”

“Let me take a re-do before we go down a weird road.”

This works best when it’s lighthearted. If you catch yourself and name it playfully, your partner is more likely to soften, too. Humor and humility can go a long way in diffusing tension and reminding both of you that you’re on the same team.

Of course, a re-do isn’t just a reset button—it’s a chance to show up differently. To shift from snappy to sincere. From shutdown to curious. From criticism to care. It’s a form of repair.

And it’s not just for you. If your partner catches themselves and asks for a re-do, let them have it. Giving each other grace like this builds trust. It shows that missteps are allowed, and what matters most is the repair.

So the next time something lands sideways, consider pausing and asking for a re-do. It’s a small move, but it can create a big shift.