Exercise #7: Be Quick to Apologize

One of the most powerful relationship tools is also one of the simplest: a heartfelt apology. In therapy, I often talk with clients about the value of apologizing quickly and often. Not performatively—but meaningfully. When you notice that something you said or did hurt your partner, even unintentionally, offering a genuine “I’m sorry” can shift the emotional tone in a moment.

A good apology isn’t about proving you were wrong or labeling yourself as the bad guy. It’s not about shame or blame—it’s about care. Apologizing says, “I see that you’re hurt, and I care about that.” You’re not apologizing because you failed. You’re apologizing because your partner matters to you.

The point isn’t to wallow in wrongness. It’s to express interest in how your actions affected your partner and to signal that you want to avoid causing that pain again. An effective apology is rooted in connection and orienting toward your partner’s experience.

When you can offer an apology quickly—before resentment builds or stories spiral—it can help your partner feel seen and safe. It creates momentum for repair. Just make sure that speed doesn’t come at the expense of sincerity. An apology works best when it’s both prompt and thoughtful.

In between sessions, this is a practice to lean on: notice when hurt happens, pause, and be quick to apologize—not because you’re bad, but because you care.